Tom's Riding Journal

LITTLE DEBBIE

We rode out of the parking lot at 7am headed east into the sun. We passed a group of migrant workers hanging out on the corner waiting for someone to pull up in a truck and take them to a jobsite somewhere. Wheeling down Center Street past countless new town homes that all looked the same, we picked up two flat tires from all the nails in the street from all the construction that promises more indistinguishable town homes. After we repaired the flats we pedaled on through the teeth jarring potholes to City Hall.

I am sitting here tonight watching this new show on TV called Intervention which deals with people who have self destructive addictions and whose loved ones have reached the end of their rope so they have decided to stage an intervention. As I watch this show it becomes clear to me that I have been lying to myself for years. I have a secret that I have kept from the world and now finally I have the courage to reveal it. Now I will face my underlying problem that I have repressed for so long-this self-destructive urge that drives me to spend all my money, to distance myself from my family and to spend all my waking hours obsessing over. I am addicted to Little Debbie snack cakes. I am particularly fond of Star Crunches but Nutty Bars will do in a pinch. It all started when I was a young child and my mom would put one of the delicious little treats in my lunch box to take to school. The flavor opened up a whole new world for me. It was like my life began when I first met Little Debbie. Before long I was sneaking the little treats out of the box between meals, which led to many a spoiled dinner and a number of cavities. I struggled with the addiction for years but I could never bring it under control. One day when I was in the tenth grade I was hanging out with some friends in the school parking lot leaning against my ’67 Pontiac Tempest. It still had a primer paint job and lacked the mag wheels that I wanted so badly because I never could save enough money to trick that car out the way I wanted because I had a $30 a day Little Debbie habit (at $1.99 for a box of six, that is a lot of snack cakes). Sadly I totaled that car one night while racing a friend down Mangum Road when I dropped my Star Crunch and reached down to pick it up. That momentary lapse of attention brought on by my addiction was all it took to cause me to slam into a median at sixty miles an hour launching the car through the air to come crashing to earth with 4 broken rims, 4 flat tires, a bent frame and a rod thrown through the oil pan. I was unhurt but as I jogged home that night I made a deal with God-if He would get me out of    the trouble that was certain to follow, I would give up The Little Debbie’s forever. Well I kept that bargain and so did He. However I must confess that I have slipped. On the training rides lately someone has been bringing Star Crunches and Nutty Bars along with the oranges and bananas and I in my emotionally and physically depleted state (usually somewhere around mile 35) I am unable to resist the lure of those beautiful chocolate covered individually packed snack treats. I know all too well where this will lead but I am unable to resist the temptation. This Sunday provided an example of the type of “stinkin’ thinkin that results from indulging my addiction.

On the way to Round Top where we were to begin our ride, Judy and I were driving in her new BMW SUV. She really loves that car and keeps it in immaculate condition. As we were driving along carefree enjoying a beautiful morning looking forward to the upcoming bike ride, Judy had no idea of the heinous scheme I had concocted all in an effort to get my hands on more Little Debbie. Despite the obvious danger involved I had actually arranged to have a professional criminal lie in wait on top of an overpass overlooking the route on which we were driving and fire a pellet gun at the rear window of Judy’s new car. My plan was to have the rear window blown out so we would be forced to abandon our plan to ride and therefore leaving me alone with all of the Little Debbie’s which were riding with us in the back of the car with the water, Gatorade and bananas. Well the first part of the plan worked beautifully. Boom! The window suddenly exploded and cracked into thousands of pieces but it didn’t stop Judy who was determined to ride. I tried to tell her that we needed to go home and park the car in the garage because it looked like rain. She refused. I tried the “this is a bad omen for the ride” excuse but to no avail. She insisted on persisting. So I had about an hour to concoct another plan on the way to the ride start. If you have ever suffered through an addiction you know how it is to scheme, lie and do whatever you have to do to get your drug of choice.

When we parked I saw the group of around twenty riders unloading their bikes, all of them good friends of mine-people who I care about, all I could think about was how I was going to ace them out of their share of Little Debbie’s am ashamed now as write this. As the group prepared to ride I busied myself with duct tape and a garbage bag covering the gaping hole in Judy’s new car. We had told everyone that someone had apparently shot out our window at random and they all were sympathetic. So they thought it perfectly natural that I let them sart the ride without me while I finished up with my make shift repair. I figured that I would let them take off and let Novee take off in Judy’s SUV which she was using as a sag vehicle. Then I would start riding the course backwards thereby getting to the last rest stop before everyone else so I could gorge on the snack cakes before the rest of the riders got there. So that’s what I did on the ride which meant that I didn’t really ride with anyone so I can’t really recap the ride for the group like I normally do. My addiction continues to take its toll on my relationships and my loved ones. For that I am deeply sorry and I hope the club will forgive me. I wish I could have been with The Thin Man and El Motor as they rode their debut ride on their brand new bikes. I wish I could have been there when Lost Girl missed a turn and ended up finishing in a completely different town than the rest of us. I wish I could have been hammering with Judy, Lead Dog and Rosie when they blazed past some guys who were in the middle of some road race that they happened upon. I wish I could have been there when Mark K. was working with Tiffany, The Teacher and Mud Slide to hammer out an impressive pace. I wish I could have been there when the mountain bikers finished their longest ride ever. But I was not there and in a sense I have never really fully been there for anything because my soul was completely owned by Little Debbie.